Free Introduction to Advanced IFS Classes January 10

In the Advanced Ongoing IFS Classes, you learn intermediate and advanced techniques and understandings that go beyond what I teach in the Basic and Exiles Courses.

I lead demonstration IFS sessions with volunteers from the class, and you practice with each other in pairs for homework. In addition, the whole group works together on important psychological issues such as procrastination, the inner critic, depression, eating issues, and more. There are separate classes for therapists and coaches, which include advanced training and consultation on IFS.

There are 3 classes, including a new one for therapists and coaches.

Click here for detailed information, schedule, and how to join.

In this introduction, I will describe what happens in these classes, what we cover, and answer your questions.

I am so grateful for this offering from Jay and the opportunity to deepen and expand my understanding of IFS (which I adore).  Jay has structured the class so thoughtfully, resulting in a wonderfully safe and respectful container for learning and processing.  In addition, he presents a deliciously comprehensive curriculum, and best of all, invaluable demonstrations each session.  This is pure gold.  On top of all of this, Jay has assembled a fantastic group of practitioners as participants, whom–thanks to Jay’s video-conferencing wizardry–I can see and interact with in a way that feels intimate and dynamic.   ~Carolyn Hinman, JD, CCHT

 

Introduction to Advanced IFS Classes
Jay Earley, PhD
Tuesday, January 10
11-12 pacific time (2-3 pm eastern, 7-9 pm UK)
A free seminar by videoconference
Click here to register

Register even if you can’t attend. You will receive a replay afterward.

 

IFS Videoconference Classes: New Australia-time


Bonnie Weiss LCSWBack by popular demand: IFS Videoconference Classes with Bonnie Weiss — August and October, 2016

These classes are open to people outside of Australia, too.

Learning topics: Introduction to the inner parts of a person, getting to know protectors, how to heal exiles, dynamics of the internal system, and role of the IFS therapist.

All classes are recorded for later review by participants.

This class meets the prerequisite for the Advanced Melbourne Workshop in February 2017.

AussieSeries4Aussie Class 4

Sat. August 13 & 27, 2016
September 3 & 10, 2016
9-11 am (Australian EDT = UTC/GMT+11 hours)

Equivalent times in US Pacific/Eastern timezone
Friday August 12 & 26, 2016
4-6 pm PST | 7-9 pm EST

Aussie Class 5

Sat. October 8 & 22, 2016
November 5 & 19, 2016
9-11 am (Australian EDT = UTC/GMT+11 hours)

Equivalent times in US Pacific/Eastern timezone
Friday October 7, 21 and Nov 4 @ 3:00-5:00 PST 6:00-8:00 EST

Nov. 18, 2-4:00 pm PST | 5:00-7:00 pm EST

Click here to enroll for either class.

 

The Inner Critic and the Criticized Child

Critized ChildWhenever we are being attacked or judged by an Inner Critic part, there is always a second part of us that is receiving this attack and feeling hurt, depressed, or worthless.

We call this part the Criticized Child. This is an exile who believes the attack and feels ashamed or guilty, bad, or inadequate. Many people, at first, don’t make a distinction between the Critic and the Criticized Child, but doing so is crucial to unraveling this difficult issue.

There are always two parts involved. One part attacks us, and a second part feels attacked.

For example, suppose your Critic sneers at you and tells you that you’re so shy that you’re a loser and no one likes you. The sneering Critic feels harsh, judgmental, and dismissive toward you.

There is a second part of you (the Criticized Child) that believes this attack and feels rejected, ashamed, and worthless. You will need to work with both parts, but in very different ways.

The Inner Critic is an IFS protector that is trying to protect you by attacking you, as strange as that sounds. The Criticized Child is an IFS exile who already feels bad about itself, and the attacks from your Inner Critic make it feel worse.

If you haven’t already, you can take a quiz to learn which Inner Critic is more trouble for you.

In a 9 week on-line course learn how to Transform Your Inner Critic using IFS and Self-Therapy Journey

Your Inner Critic’s Positive Intent

Transforming your Inner CriticOne of the most startling discoveries about our Inner Critics is that they are actually trying to help us. This is an amazing, powerful secret learned from IFS.

In its own distorted, confused way, your Inner Critic is actually trying to help you. At first this may seem surprising, but once you get to know your Critic in a deeper way, you’ll come to understand why it is attacking you.

It may be negative and harsh, but it is doing so in a distorted attempt to protect you from pain. As strange as it may seem, we have found this to be true over and over with hundreds of clients, and so have other IFS therapists.

Your Inner Critic may think that pushing and judging you will protect you from hurt and pain. It may believe that if it can get you to be a certain way—perfect, successful, cautious, nice, slim, outgoing, intellectual, macho, and so on—then you won’t be shamed or rejected, and you might even get approval from people who are important to you.

It may try to get you to fit in by prescribing rules and then attacking you if you violate them. Even though attacking you actually backfires and causes you more suffering, your Inner Critic is doing what it thinks is best for you.

The good news is that because the Inner Critic actually has positive intentions, you don’t have to fight with it or overcome it. You don’t have to win a battle; you don’t have to get rid of it.

Instead, using IFS, you can discover what it thinks it’s doing for you and make a positive connection with it. You can offer it appreciation for its efforts, and it can begin to trust you. Knowing that your Critic’s heart is in the right place makes it possible to create a cooperative relationship with it and transform it into a valuable resource. This relationship makes an enormous difference in your internal landscape and sets the stage for deeper healing.

If you haven’t already, you can take a quiz to learn which Inner Critic is more trouble for you.

In a 9 week on-line course learn how to Transform Your Inner Critic using IFS and Self-Therapy Journey

8 Types of Self-like Parts

Self-Therapy-Vol-2Self-Therapy, Vol 2 devotes an entire chapter to Self-like Parts which describes each of these types in detail.

Some parts think they are the Self.  This means that when you are blended with such a part, you think you are in Self, and you don’t recognize the limitations of the part you are blended with.

These parts are called “Self-like” not because they necessarily have more of the qualities of Self, such as compassion or connectedness, but instead because they appear to be the Self.

If you are blended with a Self-like Parts and don’t realize this, your IFS work will run into trouble. You will get stuck in a variety of ways or your work will be flat and not very healing. So it is crucial to be able to recognize these parts and unblend from them.

Here is a list of the most common types of Self-like parts:

  • Subtly Judgmental Parts
  • Intellectualizers
  • Impatient Parts
  • Agenda-Driven Parts
  • Pretend-Therapy Parts
  • Guarded Parts
  • Inner Caretakers
  • Dominant Self-like Parts

There may be others. Be on the lookout for one of these parts because it can sabotage your IFS process.

 

One-Meeting Interactive Group – January 27

 

Interactive Group of PeopleThis group provides an opportunity to learn what an Interactive Group is like by participating in one. It is also a chance to explore how you relate to people you are just meeting.

What do you go through emotionally when you are meeting new people?

Most of us feel some nervousness and also some excitement.

There are a variety of ways that people deal with this. Some people hang back and say very little. Some tell entertaining stories so they will be liked. Others act friendly and caring to make other people feel comfortable. Almost all of us try to hide our discomfort.

In a Drop-In Interactive Group, you can be totally honest about your feelings. Everyone is encouraged to share their moment-to-moment experience with the group. It’s a big risk but very exciting!

A small group of people meets to practice awareness, honesty, and connection. Using IFS (Internal Family Systems Therapy), we practice speaking for our parts rather than as our parts. This means being in Self (a calm, caring place) and talking about how a part of you is reacting in the moment, as opposed to dumping your feelings on other people. This helps you to communicate in a more effective manner, and it also makes the group safe for everyone.

I facilitate the group, helping you to tune into what you are experiencing and speak your truth. You may tell others honestly and directly how you are feeling toward them.

We create an atmosphere of caring and trust so that this can be done in a safe, connected way. You also have a chance to get honest feedback from people on how they are responding to you.

The group meets by videoconference, so we can all see each other.

Wednesday, Jan. 27
10am – 12 noon pacific time (1-3pm eastern, 6-8pm UK)
Free
Click here to register for free.

Awareness of Parts in Interpersonal Interactions

This article is an excerpt from The Interactive Group Experience. It discusses the different levels of awareness of our Group Interactionparts that are possible when relating to another person. It also shows how to learn about yourself through interactions in a group.

“Awareness” is the ability to notice and label what you are feeling and experiencing at the moment it is happening. In most instances, this is no easy accomplishment!

Of course if you are experiencing a very strong emotion, you will be aware of it.

However, many of the feelings that are important are more subtle and harder to grasp. It is especially difficult to be aware of your feelings when you are in the middle of an intense interaction with someone, yet this is the time when it is most needed.

Awareness is a skill to be developed over time. There are many levels of awareness; the first feeling you notice in a situation is only the beginning. As you become more adept at awareness, you will begin to be aware of subtler and deeper experiences, and you will begin to be able to identify the parts of you that are having these experiences.

For example, suppose Sandy tells Mike that she thinks he talks from his head too much and is out of touch with his feelings. At first Mike thinks about whether this is true. He is focusing on the content of what Sandy said, not his feelings. I suggest that Mike talk about his feeling response to Sandy.

Then Mike becomes aware that a part of him feels resentful about what she said. At my suggestion he looks further and becomes aware that a different part of him feels hurt by Sandy. As he explores deeper he discovers that he likes Sandy and wants her to like him, so his hurt part is especially vulnerable to hearing something negative from her.

Even deeper, he might realize that he was criticized a lot during his childhood, so his hurt part is an IFS exile (a wounded inner child part) that is sensitive to criticism. Now hearing criticism makes this part feel inadequate. Notice how many levels of awareness are possible. 

If Mike tells Sandy that a part of him is angry at her, he might get an angry response back and then the two of them would work on resolving the conflict. If he tells Sandy that a part of him is hurt because he wants her to like him, she might explain that she does like him, and that she was just responding from one part of her that has trouble with his being intellectual.

Mike would have to decide if he believes her–if he thinks she really meant it when she said she liked him, or if he thinks she was just smoothing things over. If he tells Sandy that a part of him feels inadequate because of childhood messages, she might be sympathetic and caring.

No matter which feeling Mike expresses, he and Sandy will then engage in a dialogue to see if they can work things out between them.

In addition to working out his feelings with Sandy, Mike might also decide that he is interested in the question of his being too intellectual. He asks Sandy to give him examples so he can understand what she means. He asks the other group members if they also think he is too much in his head and if they can give examples.

If Mike decides that he is being overly intellectual and that he would like to change that, he might ask Sandy and the group to let him know the next time he seems to be in his head. Then he could practice expressing himself in a more emotional way.

He could also explore his intellectualizer part and learn what it is protecting him from.

Free Drop-In Interactive Group

Interactive GroupWould you like to experience an Interactive Group? Join us on Tuesday, October 20 for this free drop-in session.

What do you go through emotionally when you are meeting new people? Most of us feel some nervousness and also some excitement. There are a variety of ways that people deal with this. Some people hang back and say very little. Some tell entertaining stories so they will be liked. Others act friendly and caring to make other people feel comfortable. Almost all of us try to hide our discomfort.

In a Drop-In Interactive Group, you can be totally honest about your feelings. Everyone is encouraged to share their moment-to-moment experience with the group. It’s a big risk but very exciting!

A small group of people meets to practice awareness, honesty, and connection. Using IFS (Internal Family Systems Therapy), we practice speaking for our parts rather than as our parts. This means being in Self (a calm, caring place) and talking about how a part of you is reacting in the moment, as opposed to dumping your feelings on other people. This helps you to communicate in a more effective manner, and it also makes the group safe for everyone.

I facilitate the group, helping you to tune into what you are experiencing and speak your truth. You may tell others honestly and directly how you are feeling toward them. We create an atmosphere of caring and trust so that this can be done in a safe, connected way. You also have a chance to get honest feedback from people on how they are responding to you.

The group meets by video-conference, so we can all see each other.

Tuesday, Oct. 20
4:30-6:30 pm pacific time (7:30-9:30 eastern)
Free

Click here to register for free.

 

 

Guarded Parts and Self-Compassion in IFS

This is an excerpt for my upcoming book, Self-Therapy, Vol. 2.

When you are working with an exile that has shown you some of its pain (Chapter 11 of Self-Therapy), if you are truly in Self, you will feel compassion for the exile. Compassion is the natural response of the heart to someone who is suffering, whether it is another person or your own exile, as long as you are in Self. It means that you care about the person or the exile, and you especially care about the fact that they are suffering. Compassion is lovingkindness, which is a form of love. Your heart opens with love for the person (or part) who is in pan.

For the IFS process to be successful, it isn’t enough to be curious and open with an exile the way you would with a protector, because compassion is vitally necessary for healing an exile’s suffering. An exile’s pain can be so formidable and tortuous that it may be hard for it to open up to you without this tender, gentle quality. And your compassion is part of what is healing for the exile.

When you check to see how you feel toward the exile, sometimes you may just feel “neutral.” You may feel separate from the exile but not particularly caring or connected. If the exile hasn’t yet shown you any of its pain, then you might be in Self even if you aren’t feeling compassion for it. Since compassion is a natural response to pain, if you haven’t experienced the exile’s pain, then a neutral, curious stance is fine.

However, if the exile has shown you some of its pain and you still feel neutral, then you aren’t in Self. You may not be feeling anything negative toward the exile, so it is easy to assume that you are in Self. But you aren’t. You are blended with a Self-like part that feels guarded about opening up to the exile. It wants to stay distant from the exile or to remain intellectual. It is crucial to be aware when this happens and not proceed with the exile work until you are truly in Self, which means feeling compassion for the exile.

Ask the Self-like Guarded Part to relax and allow your natural connectedness and compassion to arise. If that doesn’t work, ask the Guarded Part what it is afraid would happen if it stepped back and allowed you to feel compassion for the exile. Often it will say that it is afraid that you will be overwhelmed by the exile’s pain. It doesn’t realize that Self is there, so it thinks that if it allows you to be open emotionally, you will become blended with the exile and overwhelmed by its pain, which may have happened in the past. Explain to the Guarded Part that if it steps aside, you will be in Self and feel your natural compassion for the exile. You won’t be drawn too much into the exile’s pain. And if the exile starts to flood you, you will negotiate with it to contain its feelings so you can heal it. This will probably help the Guarded Part to realize that it is safe for it to relax.

Once the Guarded Part steps back, check to see if you now feel compassion for the exile. If so, then you are probably in Self, and you can proceed with the work because you will now be a healing presence for the exile. If not, check to see if there is another Guarded Part or some other protector that is blocking your compassion. Sometimes a Guarded Part blocks compassion because it is afraid that if you feel compassion, you will be soft and vulnerable to being hurt. It may think that feeling emotion is a sign of weakness. You can reassure it that Self is both strong and compassionate so it would be safe for it to step aside and allow you to be in Self. You can even let it know that if it thinks you are in danger, it can jump back in to protect you.

Introduction to IFS Parts Work Video Series

IFS Parts Video SeriesIf you are new to parts work or IFS, this is the perfect introduction. For those of you who already know IFS, this video series won’t contain anything new, but if you have friends whom you would like to introduce to IFS please share with them.

Do you struggle with…

  • Low self-esteem
  • Procrastination
  • Anger
  • Depression
  • Shyness
  • Eating issues

Or other psychological issues?

Do you want to have..

  • Self-confidence
  • Assertiveness
  • Intimacy
  • Aliveness
  • Success

Or other healthy capacities?

In my 40 years of practicing psychotherapy, I have discovered that, for most people, the best way to make these changes and achieve these goals is by working psychologically with your “parts.”

Click here to get the Parts Work Video Series.