You may have a protector that is afraid of allowing you to feel hopeful. If you have such a protector, it doesn’t actually feel hopeless. It makes you feel hopeless so you won’t be hopeful and then suffer the disappointment of not succeeding at whatever you are hoping for.
Your Hopeless Protector is afraid of your feeling devastated if you are disappointed. It believes that you couldn’t handle that. This probably goes back to times in childhood when you were hopeful and then your hope wasn’t realized and you were devastated.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that your hopelessness is realistic or that the protector feels hopeless. It is purposely trying to make you feel hopeless to protect you from disappointment. However, even though it is causing your depression, its heart is in the right place. So you can get to know it and connect with it.
Of course, the pain this protector causes you by blocking hope and creating hopelessness is far greater that the actual disappointment you might feel as an adult if your hopes failed to materialize.
But your Hopeless Protector doesn’t realize that.