A Pleaser No Longer
Do you always seem to go along with what other people want? Do you frequently find yourself trying to make other people happy and avoid upsetting them? Do you try to be nice in order to avoid conflict? Are you afraid to assert yourself or set limits when other people are hurting you? Do you feel as though you have to take care of other people’s feelings, but no one seems to care about yours? Do you have a hard time saying no when someone asks you to do something?
If you answered yes to some of these questions, you are one of the many people struggling with the People-Pleasing Pattern. Of course, it is a good thing to be kind and helpful to people and make them feel good, but maybe you go overboard in this direction. You may find it hard to speak your mind, to say what you want, to say no, or to advocate for what you believe in. You may find it difficult to even know what you want or feel because you are so focused on other people’s needs and feelings.
If you are tired of this pattern and would like to make a change, A Pleaser No Longer is for you. It will help you understand the fears and needs that are behind your People Pleasing. These fears are usually unconscious and come from unresolved childhood pain.
This book will help you to work through your fears so you can learn to assert yourself. It will help you set up a practice for letting go of people pleasing and becoming assertive and strong.
A Pleaser No Longer will help you to have the courage to take a stand, ask for what you want, state your opinions, and speak up when you don’t like something. As a result, your needs and thoughts will become just as important as other people’s. You will have an equal say in what happens, and people will take you seriously.
You will also be able to assert yourself to meet your larger goals to advance your life. And you will have the personal power to advocate for others, to work against injustice, and to make good things happen around you.
This doesn’t mean that you will become pushy or demanding. It doesn’t mean that you will stop caring about other people and wanting the best for them. However, you won’t be doing this from a place of fear or need; it will come purely from a loving place in you. And you will also be taking care of your needs.
You will develop the strength and personal power to get what you want in life and to make the world a better place while continuing to be a kind and loving person.
This book is based on the Pattern System, a comprehensive and detailed map of the human psyche.
A Pleaser No Longer is more than a book. It includes
* An online workbook
* An online quiz
* Recorded guided meditations
* An online community
I found this book useful, easy to follow and gentle in its approach. It has successfully avoided jargon but encouraged me instead to look for my gains, needs and fears with regards to my people-pleasing. It offers insights about why we seem so often to be stuck in unsatisfactory and repetitive behavior. It also emphasizes the means and choices for change. I liked the layout, where case examples, graphics and the workbook make for lively reading. The daily and weekly check-ins kept me engaged. ~ Ines Hasenfuss
This was a really powerful book for me. Although I have been working on unhooking from my people pleasing pattern for the last six years and have made significant progress, from this book and workbook I experienced a depth dissolving of my core beliefs that hadn’t happened before. Earley’s style of writing and on-line system are very concise and elegant. The book flows smoothly and the website works well. This is such a neat system, and I use the tools daily to smooth my way. Thanks for this magnificent contribution in the form of the pattern system. It’s truly amazing! ~ Jill Sosna
To say I am familiar with people pleasing thoughts and behaviors is an understatement. I live and breathe them. Even after years of work on myself and improvement, this pattern still operates in me. And in my role as therapist, I see this behavior in my clients daily. This is why I am grateful to Jay Earley for not only this book but the new series of ebooks, workbooks, and the online community with a buddy system to support you while you wrestle with the issues. What I find most helpful about the book is the directness and practical applicability of this new format. It goes straight to the heart of the matter and asks important questions about the subconscious patterns that are keeping you hooked to pleasing.
I am finding the journey through the online workbook enlightening, helpful and challenging. I really appreciate Earley’s directness and pointed questioning. I heartily recommend this book and this approach. I will be using this resource as a consistent check to monitor my taking care of myself. I will also use it regularly in my practice to help the many clients that come to me with people-pleasing struggles. Great work! ~ Josephine Ludwig, RPh, MA, PLPC