Understanding and Transforming the Passive-Aggressive Pattern


If you have the Passive-Aggressive Pattern, you tend to act in a way that looks as though you are agreeable and pleasing on the surface, but in the end your behavior either hurts people or frustrates them. You may only be aware of your surface desire to please people. You may even realize that you’re afraid of not pleasing someone, especially your partner.

The clue to help you realize if you have this pattern is when people you are close to regularly get frustrated with you or feel hurt by you. You may feel wronged when this happens. You may even say to yourself, “I’m doing my best to be nice and agreeable, but my partner doesn’t seem to get this. She keeps getting on my case for doing things that upset her. But I don’t have any idea what she is talking about.”

If you have a Passive-Aggressive Pattern, there is an unconscious part of you that is resentful and perhaps defiant. This part is irritated at how much you kowtow to what your partner (or someone else) wants. Or the part may be angry at your partner for things she said that resulted in your feeling undervalued or unappreciated. However, you don’t feel that you have any right to be angry or defiant, so it all goes underground in your consciousness. You act in seemingly agreeable ways, but you add a little mean twist to your behavior that frustrates your partner without even being aware of what you are doing.

This webinar will help you to determine if you have a Passive-Aggressive Pattern–or if your partner (or someone else close to you) does. You will learn how the pattern operates, what its underlying dynamics are, and how to change it, using IFS and Self-Therapy Journey. You will also learn how to relate to someone with this pattern and how to encourage them to change their pattern.

You will learn how to develop Assertiveness and Cooperation instead of your Passive-Aggressive Pattern.

Assertiveness involves having a firm knowledge of what you feel, think, and desire, as opposed to being overly influenced by other people’s opinions, feelings, and needs. Assertiveness involves exerting power to ask what you want, explain why something is important to you, and follow through even if others don’t go along right away. You can bring up difficult issues with people in order to try to improve your relationship with them. You can say No when someone asks you for something you don’t want to give.

Cooperation means being able to work together with other people in a connected and collaborative way.

The integration of Assertiveness and Cooperation will allow you to…

  • Say No to tasks you don’t want to do.
  • Say clearly what you want.
  • Feel a sense of personal power
  • Work well with others
  • Take care of your needs without upsetting people
  • Improve your relationships

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