Destroyer Report

The Destroyer Inner Critic

Bonnie Weiss,  LCSW and Jay Earley, Ph.D.
boy under shoeThe Destroyer makes hard-hitting attacks on your fundamental self-worth. It shames you in such a deep way that you feel intrinsically flawed. You come to believe you cannot be redeemed. The Destroyer launches very primitive attacks on you that may not even have much content, but are very powerful all the same. Some Destroyers don’t communicate in words; choosing instead body feelings of shame and depression. Some give you the demeaning sense that you don’t deserve to exist. They want to destroy or annihilate you.
The Destroyer is the most harmful and debilitating of all the types of Critics.
We don’t recommend that you try to work with this part on your own. At the very least, get support from women comforting depressed manunderstanding friends while you are working with this part. But most likely you will need to do this work with a therapist in order to come to terms with and transform this most destructive of Critics.

The Destroyer appears very early in your life, often during the first year or two, when you didn’t have much in the way of words available. Because its attacks are quite primitive, it can be difficult to determine the positive motivations of Destroyer parts, but rest assured, they each have one. There are a number of possibilities:

man and steamroller1.  Some Destroyers expect other people to attack you, so they attack you first. This gives them a sense of control over this terrible situation. This also means that you aren’t vulnerable and at the mercy of others because you have already been attacked, and have become defended. After all, you can’t defeat what is already defeated.

babyface2. When you expressed your life energy as a child, you were punished for this in some way, or your aliveness led to your being engulfed or abused.  Your Destroyer felt that the only safe thing was to squash your energy to keep you safe. It might even have felt that the only way for you to be safe was to “not exist.” It is entrenched in that past situation and continues to do this today.

orange haired girl3.  Bad and painful things happened in your early years:

(a)    Your Destroyer was enraged about what happened to you, but it wasn’t safe to express this outwardly, so it turned the rage on you. It, too, is still doing this today.
(b)    Your Destroyer decided to blame you for what happened. It felt that there was a chance to alleviate the suffering if only you changed yourself. This was preferable to feeling completely helpless in the face of an intolerable situation. And likewise, this is still happening today.

Transform Your Critic

Learn how to explore your Inner Critic and transform it using Internal Family Systems Therapy, a new cutting-edge method. Read Taming Your Inner Critic.

Learn how to awaken the Inner Champion you need for each of the seven types of Inner Critics. You create a profile of what nurturing and encouraging messages your Inner Champion gives you and what it looks like. This will help you evoke your Inner Champion to support you in your life. Read our book Activating Your Inner Champion Instead of Your Inner Critic.

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