Do You Have A Self-Effacing Pattern?

The Self-Effacing Pattern is one of the patterns in the Social Dimension of the Pattern System. It is often referred to as “shyness.” It has been one of the major patterns that I have worked on over the years. The Self-Effacing Paggern

If you have the Self-Effacing Pattern, you may feel shy and awkward in social situations and not speak very much. You may withdraw from people and have a hard time reaching out for connection. You may actually avoid social situations.

You may have a hard time speaking up about your own ideas, stories, or achievements, especially in group settings. You may feel that you don’t deserve to be heard or appreciated. At times, you may feel incompetent or inadequate. Because of your quietness, you may be seen by others as aloof.

In conversations, you may try to keep the focus on others, and when the spotlight lands on you, you may answer questions about yourself with terse or awkward replies. You may be self-deprecating, making not-so-funny jokes at your own expense. You may find it difficult to receive compliments or attention gracefully, instead deflecting them or playing them down.

You may be afraid of being rejected if you reach out to others. You may be afraid of being judged or ridiculed if you speak up. You may believe that you don’t have anything valuable to offer, that you are a “loser.”

Some people are quiet and solitary by nature, and happy to be so. The Self-Effacing Pattern applies to you if you are quiet, but unhappily so. You wish you could speak up and be recognized. You would like more connections with people and people to know and like the “real you.” You want to be able to reach out to others with self-confidence.

While you can’t always be sure of how others will receive you, you CAN change your underlying belief that you are “less than” others and unworthy of attention. You can work through the fears behind your Self-Effacing Pattern—the fear of rejection or ridicule. You can learn to develop the Social Confidence Capacity, where you feel free to be yourself in social situations.

You can work on and transform the Self-Effacing Pattern using Self-Therapy Journey, my online tool for personal growth and healing. Click here to learn more.