Course: Working with Self-Therapy Journey and the Pattern System

Hiker onlyWednesdays
March 5 – April 9 (6 meetings)
4:30-6:30 PM PST | 7:30-9:30 PM EST
Cost: $230
Register here

Self-Therapy Journey (STJ) is a new interactive web program that enables you to systematically classify, explore, and transform your psychological issues. You can think of it as a sophisticated and interactive set of self-help books, plus guided meditations and customized reports. STJ is based on IFS and the Pattern System.

What can STJ help you do?

  • Resolve problems like procrastination, shyness, or depression
  • Transform behavior patterns like dependency, controlling, or people-pleasing
  • Navigate through defenses
  • Heal emotional wounds
  • Create a complete psychological profile for yourself

How does STJ work?

  • It provides recorded guided meditations for deep exploration.
  • It generates a customized report for each of your patterns.
  • It guides you in creating homework practices.
  • It transforms problems into healthy capacities.
  • It helps you track your progress.

In this course, you will learn how Self-Therapy Journey works and how to get the most out of it.

The Pattern System is a systematic approach to understanding your personality that can lead directly to psychological healing and personal growth.  It also helps you to understand other people—why they respond as they do, what makes them tick.

In this course, you will also learn about the Pattern System—how to chart your personality, and how to choose which patterns and capacities to work on in STJ.

By taking this course, you will be able to get access to the Therapist-Guided Version of STJ that includes Stage 2 work on childhood wounds, if this is appropriate for you.

The Caretaking Pattern

If you have the Caretaking Pattern, you are caring and compassionate toward others, but often at the expense of your own needs or desires. At some level, though, your caring may come with strings attached. You may have a desire to be appreciated for all that you give to others, rather than giving without the need for a return. You may be aware of hoping that people will care more for you and give you their time and attention in return for your efforts.

You may take pride in being a “mind-reader.” You may get a lift from providing assistance that you believe people need even before they ask for it. You may frequently give too much help, and often at the expense of taking care of yourself. You may regularly be the last person to leave a party even when you’re exhausted, because you’re always helping the host tidy up. You may believe that all of your giving to others is building up a pool of help and favors that you can call upon someday. Or you may believe that by reading the minds of your loved ones, you will be able to expect them to do the same for you–that they will know and deliver the support you want without you ever having to ask.

Some level of the desire to help others is natural and healthy. We are, after all, social beings who need interpersonal support to get along in the world. But if you find yourself regularly sacrificing your own comfort for the sake of helping someone else–for instance, if you give up a therapeutic massage appointment because your sister “just has to have your opinion” on a new couch she’s buying–you very likely have the Caretaking Pattern.

In fact, your caretaking part may assume that other people aren’t as capable of taking care of themselves as you are. You might believe that you “know better” when it comes to what would be good for someone else. Unless this person is a small child, though, it is unlikely that your perception of someone else’s needs is more valid than their own.

For a variety of reasons, you may not have received feedback from others that your caretaking is a problem. If you have the Caretaking Pattern you probably attract people who may, on some level, like being taken care of, or who become dependent on you. You may have people in your life that you believe would suffer if you were to stop caretaking them, and you may enjoy “being needed.”

The key to knowing if you have the Caretaking Pattern is to look at how often you are meeting your own needs. If you are always putting yourself last, if you are tired and feel like you are responsible for making sure other people are okay emotionally, logistically, or financially, then you have the Caretaking Pattern.


The Perfectionist and the Pattern System

In the last blog, I showed how the Inner Critic is in the Self-esteem dimension of the Pattern System. Each of the seven types of Inner Critics also resides in a dimension of the Pattern System. Let’s look at the Perfectionist:

The two polarized protectors are the Perfectionist and the Sloppy Part, which just does tasks in a cavalier way, not caring about how well they are done or the consequences. The healthy version of the Perfectionist is the Inner Mentor who helps you to do things in an excellent way without judgment or extremes. It is caring and supportive and knows when something is good enough. The healthy version of the Sloppy Part is the Inner Champion who supports you working in an easy flowing way without sacrificing quality. And it also supports your feeling good about yourself. [Read more…]