The Inner Critic and the Criticized Child

Critized ChildWhenever we are being attacked or judged by an Inner Critic part, there is always a second part of us that is receiving this attack and feeling hurt, depressed, or worthless.

We call this part the Criticized Child. This is an exile who believes the attack and feels ashamed or guilty, bad, or inadequate. Many people, at first, don’t make a distinction between the Critic and the Criticized Child, but doing so is crucial to unraveling this difficult issue.

There are always two parts involved. One part attacks us, and a second part feels attacked.

For example, suppose your Critic sneers at you and tells you that you’re so shy that you’re a loser and no one likes you. The sneering Critic feels harsh, judgmental, and dismissive toward you.

There is a second part of you (the Criticized Child) that believes this attack and feels rejected, ashamed, and worthless. You will need to work with both parts, but in very different ways.

The Inner Critic is an IFS protector that is trying to protect you by attacking you, as strange as that sounds. The Criticized Child is an IFS exile who already feels bad about itself, and the attacks from your Inner Critic make it feel worse.

If you haven’t already, you can take a quiz to learn which Inner Critic is more trouble for you.

In a 9 week on-line course learn how to Transform Your Inner Critic using IFS and Self-Therapy Journey

April 25 – Introduction to Advanced IFS Classes

Please join us on April 25 for the Introduction to Advanced IFS Classes Webinar.

In the Advanced Ongoing IFS Classes you learn intermediate and advanced techniques and understandings that go beyond what I teach in the Basic and Exiles Courses. In addition, the whole group works together on important psychological issues such as procrastination, the inner critic, depression, eating issues, and many more. Therapists also have a chance for advanced training and consultation on IFS.

There are 4 classes.

Click here for detailed information about the Advanced IFS Classes, schedules, and how to join.

I am so grateful for this offering from Jay and the opportunity to deepen and expand my understanding of IFS (which I adore).  Jay has structured the class so thoughtfully, resulting in a wonderfully safe and respectful container for learning and processing.  In addition, he presents a deliciously comprehensive curriculum, and best of all, invaluable demonstrations each session.  This is pure gold.  On top of all of this, Jay has assembled a fantastic group of practitioners as participants, whom–thanks to Jay’s video-conferencing wizardry–I can see and interact with in a way that feels intimate and dynamic.
— Carolyn Hinman, JD, CCHT

Webinar: Introduction to Advanced IFS Classes
Jay Earley, PhD
Monday, April 25
5-6 pm pacific time (8-9 pm eastern)
Click here to register for free

Register even if you can’t attend. You will receive a replay afterward.

 

 

 

Webinar January 11: – Introduction to Advanced IFS Classes

In the Advanced Ongoing IFS Classes you learn advanced techniques and understandings that go beyond what I teach in the Basic and Exiles Courses.

In addition, the whole group works together on important psychological issues such as procrastination, the inner critic, depression, eating issues, and many more. Therapists also have a chance for advanced training and consultation on IFS.

There are 4 classes.

Click here for detailed information about the Advanced IFS Classes, schedules, and how to join.

I am so grateful for this offering from Jay and the opportunity to deepen and expand my understanding of IFS (which I adore).  Jay has structured the class so thoughtfully, resulting in a wonderfully safe and respectful container for learning and processing.  In addition, he presents a deliciously comprehensive curriculum, and best of all, invaluable demonstrations each session.  This is pure gold.  On top of all of this, Jay has assembled a fantastic group of practitioners as participants, whom–thanks to Jay’s video-conferencing wizardry–I can see and interact with in a way that feels intimate and dynamic.
— Carolyn Hinman, JD, CCHT

Webinar: Introduction to Advanced IFS Classes
Jay Earley, PhD
Monday, Jan. 11
4:30-5:30 pm pacific time (7:30-8:30 pm eastern)
Click here to register for free

Register even if you can’t attend. You will receive a replay afterward.

Our New Online Store

Jay Earley, PhD and Bonnie Weiss, LCSW

We have been working on our online store to make it easier for you to find the products you are looking for. We have: Products

  • Guided meditations, which lead you through part of an IFS session, help you to access an Inner Champion, or other formats.
  • Books – paperbacks, ebooks, and one audiobook
  • Demonstration IFS sessions, where you get to hear a recording of a real IFS session with commentary afterward
  • Recorded Courses
  • Webinars
  • More

If you are looking for products to help you with a certain psychological issue, you can browse the storePsychological Issues Products in that way. We have products to help with:

  • Procrastination, Perfectionism, or Striving
  • People-Pleasing, Passive-Aggressive, Controlling, Victim, Caretaking, or Rebel Patterns
  • Social Issues
  • Eating Issues
  • Depression
  • Inner Critic Issues
  • Anger
  • Interpersonal Conflict

If you are looking for a product to help you develop a certain healthy capacity, you can browse the Healthy Capacities Productsstore in that way. We have products to help with:

  • Assertiveness, Personal Power
  • Self-Esteem, Confidence
  • Intimacy
  • Self-Care, Self-Support
  • Aliveness, Pleasure
  • Work Capacities

ApproachesCertain of our products are for therapist, coaches, and other helping professions. You can browse this list as well.

We invite you to explore our store at https://personal-growth-programs.com/products/

 

Basic IFS Course Starts September 22

 

What is IFSWhat is IFS?

Click here to watch an interview of Jay Earley about IFS by Tami Simon of Sounds True. Scroll down under What is IFS to see the video. Many people have told me how much this interview helped them to understand IFS.

Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) is a powerful form of individual therapy developed by Richard Schwartz, PhD, which has been spreading rapidly around the U.S. and the world. It is user-friendly, spiritually-oriented, and very effective in working with a wide variety of psychological issues.

IFS sees the mind as made up of sub-personalities, called parts, which are related to each other in an inner system.  Parts often get into conflicts with each other and act in dysfunctional ways in an attempt to protect us from pain. All of this happens largely outside our awareness, and when we do see what is happening, we frequently try to banish the parts that are causing the difficulties. Yet this is hardly ever solves the problem. IFS, on the other hand, teaches us to relate to our parts with openness, curiosity, and compassion, not judgment, which allows each part to reveal its hidden agenda and the pain it defends against.  This paves the way for healing and transformation, which can be accomplished by following the procedure taught in this course.

This course teaches you how to access Self and work with protectors. You learn how to work on yourself using IFS and how to do peer IFS counseling with other people in the class. Therapists and coaches also take the class to learn about IFS. The course is experiential; it includes practicing IFS sessions for homework in pairs, group exercises, and demonstration IFS sessions with volunteers from the class.

The course will be taught by videoconference, so we can see each other, which enhances the group connection, making it safe for you to be open and vulnerable in class. Click here for more information about the course.

Tuesdays, 9/22/15–10/29/15
4:30 pm pacific time (7:30 eastern time)
Cost: $300
Click here to register

What people are saying

I have taken tons of teleclasses and Jay’s was organized really well. Some classes are healing, but you don’t take it with you. Jay’s had both deep transformation and learning that made it easy to keep going afterward. It was an excellent course, I really loved it.
Linda McLyman, M.S., leadership consultant, Syracuse, NY

Webinars: Introduction to IFS


Needy WoundIFS is a powerful form of individual therapy developed by Richard Schwartz, PhD, which has been spreading rapidly around the U.S. and the world.

It is user-friendly, spiritually-oriented, and very effective in working with trauma as well as a wide variety of other psychological issues.

Each webinar is an introduction to Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), where you will learn how to understand your psyche in terms of parts, heal your wounded inner child parts, and transform your behavior.

You can also learn about the Basic IFS Course coming up this fall.

Tuesday, 9/8/15, 4:30 pm
Click here to enroll for free
Tuesday, 9/15/15, 4:30 pm
Thursday, 9/17/15, 4:30 pm

Major Changes to Self-Therapy Journey

Self-Therapy-JourneyI am excited to announce that after 8 months of work, I have completed major changes to Self-Therapy Journey, my interactive online tool for personal growth and psychological healing.

Before I explain the changes, let me discuss some basic concepts in Self-Therapy Journey (STJ).  Patterns are problematic ways of functioning or relating that you might want to change, such as Procrastination, Depression, or People-Pleasing. Capacities are healthy ways of functioning or relating that you might want to develop, such as Work Confidence, Aliveness, or Assertiveness. Wounds are painful feelings or negative beliefs that you took on as a result of harmful incidents or relationships from childhood, such as Shame, Abandonment, or believing that you are Unlovable.

Now let’s look at the changes to Self-Therapy Journey.

WoundsStarting with a Capacity or Wound

Self-Therapy Journey was originally set up so that you had to start with a pattern, and then you could work on healing wounds and developing a capacity as part of working on that pattern. Now you can also start with a wound or a capacity. In addition, you can work on a wound or capacity by itself, which means that you don’t have to do it as part of working on a pattern. For example, if you want to work on your Shame Wound, you can do that as part of working on a pattern that has shame underlying it, such as the Self-Effacing Pattern, or you can work on your Shame Wound on its own. For another example, if you want to work on developing Assertiveness, you can do that as part of working of a pattern that blocks Assertiveness, such as People-Pleasing or Passive-Aggressive, or you can work on developing Assertiveness on its own.

Paying for a Single Pattern, Capacity, or Wound

In the old Self-Therapy Journey, the only payment option was with a $25/month recurring subscription. That option is still there, but now you can also choose to enroll for a single pattern, capacity, wound for just $4.97 or $9.97 (see below for explanation of prices). This makes it easier to get started. If you discover that you want to enroll for many different patterns, capacities, or wounds, then you can choose the monthly subscription at any time.

Simplified Versions and Levels of Enrollment

I have added simplified versions of the patterns and capacities for just $4.97. I call this the Shift Level of enrollment. This is for people who want quick results for less money. You can upgrade at any time to the more complete version of the pattern or capacity, which is $9.97 and is called the Change Level of enrollment. If you enroll for the monthly subscription that includes the wounds, this is called the Transformation Level of enrollment, which is $35/month. The $25 monthly subscription that doesn’t include the wounds is at the Change Level.

New Quizzes

The old version of Self-Therapy Journey included two quizzes to help you determine which pattern to work on. STJ now also has a wounds quiz to help you see which wounds you have and two capacities quizzes to help you figure out which capacities you need to develop (or develop further).

I invite you to check out Self-Therapy Journey at www.selftherapyjourney.com.

Exploring Yourself Using IFS Therapy

IFS and the human psycheInternal Family Systems Therapy(SM) (IFS), developed by Richard Schwartz, is based on the understanding that our psyches are made up of different parts or subpersonalities, and it provides a powerful methodology for working with and healing our parts.

One aspect of this is how we explore our parts.

In most forms of therapy, when we want to work with a psychological issue or reaction, we either analyze it intellectually or dive into it emotionally. Let’s look at each of these in turn: In some forms of therapy, you figure out each reaction or feeling using what you know about your psychological makeup and what you can sense or guess about the part. For example, if you have a part that feels hurt and upset whenever you get judged by people, you might remember that you were judged a lot by your father and figure that this part’s sensitivities come from that history. Or you might know that you carry a deep belief that you aren’t worth anything and guess that this part’s reactions happen when that belief is triggered.

This intellectual approach is a good first step, but it is too much based on guesswork and theory and so it can’t give us a full, nuanced understanding of a part. And even if our guesses are right, we aren’t in direct contact with the part or its feelings, so it is difficult to really heal it.

Other forms of therapy take the opposite approach. You become the part and attempt to fully embody it and feel all of its feelings fully. In the above example, you would inhabit that part experientially, feeling it in your body and delving into the depth of the pain it feels for being judged. This approach recognizes that you can learn most about the part by allowing your insights to flow from your experience.

This can work as long as you don’t avoid the part’s feelings. However, many of us have parts that are holding a lot of pain, and we tend to defend against feeling this pain. This makes it quite difficult, in some cases, to fully inhabit the part. Before I discovered IFS, I was unconsciously avoiding dealing with many of my parts that were in pain, though I didn’t realize this at the time. I just directed my work into other areas that kept me away from my childhood pain. I had already done quite a bit of work on the pain from my childhood and thought that I had already worked through most of these issues. I subtly used this as an excuse to avoid them. IFS changed all this, as I explain below.

In addition to the problem of avoiding pain, some parts have pain that is overwhelming or traumatic. It wouldn’t be a good idea to dive into these feelings even it you could. You could be flooded by pain in a way that is harmful. You could be re-exposed to trauma rather than healed. You need to remain centered and in touch with your inner resources while you are approaching pain like this. IFS Provides of method for achieving this.

In IFS, we inhabit our true Self, which is a place of groundedness, curiosity, and compassion. From this place we get to know each of our parts by asking it questions and listening to its responses. These may be in words, or in images, body sensations, emotions, or direct knowing. We aren’t just using intellectual ideas about the part; we are truly listening to what it has to tell us. But we also aren’t just diving into its feelings. We are learning about the feelings experientially, but from the safe vantage point of the Self. If the part starts to overwhelm you with intense feelings, IFS recognizes that you are no longer in Self but have become blended with the part. It provides a variety of techniques for returning you to Self so the situation remains safe, while still keeping you open to the part’s feelings. This way you won’t be harmed or retraumatized.

In addition, by approaching your parts from Self, you are much less likely to be frightened about getting to know parts that are in pain. Therefore you are much less likely to avoid those parts. Once I learned IFS, I no longer had much fear of my painful parts because I knew that I wouldn’t have to endure any more pain than I could tolerate. Whenever the pain becomes too great or too threatening, I simply return to Self. This has allowed me to feel safe in approaching my painful parts. So I have stopped avoiding them, and this has allowed me to engage in some powerful healing.

IFS walks a middle ground between analyzing our parts intellectually and immersing ourselves in their pain. This allows us to explore out parts experientially without the problems of avoidance or retraumatization.

 

Caretaking Testers Needed for Self-Therapy Journey

For the last two and a half years, I have been developing a web application, Self-Therapy Journey, where people can get help in transforming psychological problems. It is like an interactive self-help book, based on the Pattern System and IFS. It should be ready by fall 2013.

We would like to try out the application with people who are willing to use it and give us feedback afterward. We want to get feedback on how it works for you and what needs to be fixed or improved.

Soon people will be able to use the application to work on a wide variety of different psychological issues. However, right now we are looking for people who have a very specific issue to volunteer in trying it out. We are looking for people who overdo caretaking and would like to change this. See the article below for more information on this pattern. (Later we will be looking for volunteers on other issues.)

You will be able to learn about your Caretaking Pattern, its underlying motivation, and where it comes from in your past. You will get a customized report about all these things based on what you enter in the application, which means that you can also use this application for guided journaling. You will also be able to set up a life practice to work on being more caring for yourself instead. The application will provide you with online support in carrying out the practice.

If you are interested in volunteering, email me at  earley.jay@gmail.com. Let me know the following information: (1) your phone number and (2) what time zone you are in. We want to try out the application on a variety of different people, so please also let me know (3) if you are a therapist and (4) whether you are familiar with IFS.

We may have more volunteers than we can use, so you may not hear from us, but we nonetheless appreciate your volunteering.

Overeating, Foggy Testers Needed for Self-Therapy Journey

Jay Earley, PhD and Bonnie Weiss, LCSW

For the last two and a half years, Jay has been developing a web application, Self-Therapy Journey, where people can get help in transforming psychological problems.

It is like an interactive self-help book, based on the Pattern System and IFS. It should be ready by fall 2013.

We would like to try out an early version of the application with people who are willing to use it while Bonnie follows along by phone/computer or gets feedback from you afterward. We want to get feedback on how it works for you and what needs to be fixed or improved.

Soon people will be able to use the application to work on a wide variety of different psychological issues. However, right now we are looking for people who have one of two very specific issues to volunteer in trying it out. We are looking for people who either (1) tend to overeat, or (2) get foggy, spaced out, and confused at times. (Later we will be looking for volunteers on other issues, and in September we will want people to test the whole application.)

You will be able to learn about your Indulger or Foggy Pattern, its underlying motivation, and where it comes from in your past. You will get a customized report about all these things based on what you enter in the application, which means that you can also use this application for guided journaling. You will also be able to set up a life practice to activate the healthy capacity to replace your pattern. That would be either Conscious Consumption (for the Indulger Pattern) or Clarity (for the Foggy Pattern). The application will provide you with online support in carrying out the practice.

If you are interested in volunteering, email Bonnie at bonnieweiss@gmail.com. Let her know

  1. your phone number,
  2. what time zone you are in, and
  3. which of those two patterns you would like to test. We want to try out the application on a variety of different people, so please also let her know
  4.  if you are a therapist and
  5. whether you are familiar with IFS.

We may have more volunteers than we can use right away, so you may not hear from us for a while.

Please read: A Story of the Indulger and Foggy Patterns

For more information about The Pattern System(TM) please visit http://patternsystem.com