New Interactive/IFS Group for Professionals

An Interactive/IFS Group can help you . . .

  • Develop your capacity for intimacy and learn how to make a love relationship work
  • Become more assertive
  • Become more outgoing and socially comfortable
  • Learn what you may be doing to keep your relationships from being satisfying
  • Understand and trust people of the opposite sex . . . or of the same sex
  • Learn how to deal with anger and conflict constructively
  • Become part of a loving community of people
  • Raise your self-esteem
  • Get in touch with your personal power

You can learn these relationship skills:

  • Being in touch with your feelings and expressing them
  • Speaking for your parts, not acting them out
  • Reaching out to others confidently
  • Saying ”No” firmly
  • Allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable
  • Expressing yourself forcefully and spontaneously
  • Being comfortable relating to a group of people
  • Asking for what you really want
  • Having the courage to bring up difficult issues
  • Empathizing with others

What Happens

  • You work directly on how you are relating to the other group members . . . in the moment. Instead of just talking about how you relate in your life, you practice interacting with others right in the group and get help as you do.
  • You get direct and honest feedback on how people are reacting to you.
  • The group provides a safe place for you to try out new, healthy ways of relating to people.
  • You learn how to feel your emotional responses and identify the parts that are activated while interacting with people
  • You learn how communicate openly, clearly, and assertively.
  • You learn how to access and work with the parts of you that get triggered in interactions with people, using IFS.
  • You discover your ways of relating that aren’t working for you , so you can experiment with changing them in the group.
  • You can share your life issues and struggles with the group.
  • You see other people struggling with problems similar to yours, and through this you learn about yourself and others.
  • There is a strong sense of support for each person and a warm feeling of community in the group.

Format

The group meets by videoconference, so we all can see each other, which enhances the group connection.

The ongoing group meets twice a month, and you meet with me for an individual consultation on the group every 3 months.

Each meeting is recorded, so if you miss one, you can watch the recording.

Cost: $120/month, including consultations
The groups are limited to 8 people.

First and third Wednesdays of each month
10am- 12 noon pacific time (1-3 pm eastern, 6-8 pm UK)

This group will start on Feb. 21, 2018

For more information, click https://personal-growth-programs.com/interactive_groups/

Getting Started

You meet with me for a free pre-group interview to see if the group is a good fit for you.

For a free pre-group interview, email me at earley.jay@gmail.com.

Drop-In Interactive/IFS Group

Drop In IFS Interactive GroupThis drop-in group is designed to give you an idea of how Interactive/IFS Groups operate, including the Therapists Interactive/IFS Group and the regular Interactive/IFS Group.

In an Interactive/IFS Group, you can be totally honest about your feelings. Everyone is encouraged to share their moment-to-moment experience with the group. It’s a big risk but very exciting!

A small group of people meets to practice awareness, honesty, and connection. Using IFS (Internal Family Systems Therapy), we practice speaking for our parts rather than as our parts. This means being in Self (a calm, caring place) and talking about how a part of you is reacting in the moment, as opposed to dumping your feelings on other people. This helps you to communicate in a more effective manner, and it also makes the group safe for everyone.

I facilitate the group, helping you to tune into what you are experiencing and speak your truth. You may tell others honestly and directly how you are feeling toward them. We create an atmosphere of caring and trust so that this can be done in a safe, connected way. You also have a chance to get honest feedback from people on how they are responding to you.

Since this is a drop-in group, you will be mainly dealing with what you go through emotionally when you are meeting new people (though my Interactive Groups are long-term ongoing groups and much more than that happens in them).

The group meets by videoconference, so we can all see each other.

Tuesday, Sept. 12
4:30-6:30 pm pacific time (7:30-9:30 eastern)
Free
Click here for more information or to register

Click here for information about my ongoing Interactive/IFS Groups.

 

Which Inner Critic Types Are More Trouble for You?

The Seven Types of Inner Critics

In our study of the Inner Critic, Bonnie Weiss and I have identified seven specific types of Critics. Each type of Critic has a different motivation and strategy, and identifying which Critics are affecting you can be useful.

The Perfectionist tries to get you to do everything perfectly. It has very high standards for behavior, performance, and production. When you don’t meet its standards, the Perfectionist attacks you by saying that your work or behavior isn’t good enough, which makes it hard to finish projects. Sometimes the Perfectionist even makes it difficult to get started, as with writer’s block. 

The Inner Controller tries to control impulsive behavior, such as overeating, getting enraged, using drugs, or engaging in other addictions. It shames you after you binge, use, or react with rage. It is usually in a constant battle with an impulsive part of you.

The Taskmaster tries to get you to work hard in order to be successful. It attempts to motivate you by telling you that you’re lazy, stupid, or incompetent. It often gets into a battle with another part that procrastinates as a way of avoiding work.

The Underminer tries to undermine your self-confidence and self-esteem so you won’t take risks that might end in failure. It tells you that you are worthless and inadequate and that you’ll never amount to anything. It may also try to prevent you from getting too big, powerful, or visible in order to avoid the threat of attack and rejection.

The Destroyer attacks your fundamental self-worth. It is deeply shaming and tells you that you shouldn’t exist. You might experience the Destroyer as a crushing force that wipes out your vitality or a pervasive negative energy that stamps out any sign of creativity, spontaneity, or desire. 

The Guilt Tripper attacks you for a specific action you took (or didn’t take) in the past that was harmful to someone, especially someone you care about. This Critic might also attack you for violating a deeply held value. It constantly makes you feel bad and will never forgive you. It might also make you feel guilty for repeated behaviors that it considers unacceptable, in an attempt to get you to stop.

The Conformist tries to get you to fit a certain societal mold or act in a certain way that is based on your family or cultural mores. This mold can be any kind: caring, aggressive, outgoing, intellectual, or polite. This Critic attacks you when you don’t fit into that mold and praises you when you do.

You can take a quiz to learn which of these types are more trouble for you.

 

 

Webinar: Transforming Your Inner Critic Using IFS 9-19-2016

Inner Critic Learn how to transform your Inner Critic and develop self-esteem using Internal Family Systems Therapy.

Monday, Sept. 19
4:30-6:30 pm pacific time (7:30-9:30 pm eastern)
Click here to register for free

 

In this webinar you will learn


  • That your bad feelings about yourself aren’t true
  • That your feelings of shame and worthlessness come from your Inner Critic
  • How to get to know your Inner Critic using IFS
  • That your Inner Critic is actually trying to protect you
  • How to work with your Inner Critic using IFS
  • How to transform your Inner Critic
  • How to develop your Inner Champion

Feel free to register even if you can make that time. You will receive a recording of the webinar afterwards.

This will be followed by a six-week Inner Critic Course by videoconference.

Mondays
4:30-6:30 pm pacific time (7:30-9:30 pm eastern)
Sept. 26, Oct. 10, 17, 24, Nov. 7, 14
Cost: $250
Click here to register

 

Webinar: Introduction to Interactive Groups 9-15-2016

Interactive GroupsThis webinar will introduce you to Interactive Groups and explain how they work and what you can get from one.

Thursday, Sept. 15
4:30-6 pm pacific time (7:30-9 pm eastern)
Click here to register for free

Register even if you can make the time, because you will receive a recording afterwards

An Interactive Group can help you . . .

  • Develop your capacity for intimacy and learn how to make a love relationship work
  • Become more assertive
  • Become more outgoing and socially comfortable
  • Learn what you may be doing to keep your relationships from being satisfying
  • Understand and trust people of the opposite sex . . . or of the same sex
  • Learn how to deal with anger and conflict constructively
  • Become part of a loving community of people
  • Raise your self-esteem
  • Get in touch with your personal power

You can learn these relationship skills:

  • Being in touch with your feelings and expressing them
  • Reaching out to others confidently
  • Saying No firmly
  • Allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable
  • Expressing yourself forcefully and spontaneously
  • Being comfortable relating to a group of people
  • Asking for what you really want
  • Having the courage to bring up difficult issues
  • Empathizing with others

What Happens

  • You work directly on how you are relating to the other group members . . . in the moment. Instead of just talking about how you relate in your life, you practice interacting with others right in the group and get help as you do.
  • You get direct and honest feedback on how people are reacting to you.
  • The group provides a safe place for you to try out new, healthy ways of relating to people.
  • You learn how to feel your emotional responses while interacting with people
  • You learn how communicate openly, clearly, and assertively.
  • You learn how to access and work with the parts of you that get triggered in interactions with people, using IFS.
  • You discover your ways of relating that aren’t working for you , so you can experiment with changing them in the group.
  • You can share your life issues and struggles with the group.
  • You see other people struggling with problems similar to yours, and through this you learn about yourself and others.
  • There is a strong sense of support for each person and a warm feeling of community in the group.

Format

They are ongoing groups which meet by videoconference, so we all can see each other, enhancing the group connection. The groups meet twice a month, and you meet with me for an individual consultation on the group every 3 months.

Types of Interactive Groups

  1. Regular Interactive Group
  2. Interactive Therapists’ Group
  3. Interactive Couples Group

Click here to Learn More about Interactive Groups

 

 

Seven Types of Inner Critics

Jay Earley, PhD and Bonnie Weiss, LCSW


Inner Critic In our study of the Inner Critic, we have identified the following seven types of Inner Critics that people are troubled by:

Perfectionist

  • This critic tries to get you to do things perfectly.
  • It sets high standards for the things your produce, and has difficulty saying something is complete and letting it go out to represent your best work.
  • It tries to make sure that you fit in and that you will not be judged or rejected.
  • Its expectations probably reflect those of people who have been important to you in the past.

Guilt-Tripper

  • This critic is stuck in the past. It is unable to forgive you for wrongs you have done or people you have hurt.
  • It is concerned about relationships and holds you to standards of behavior prescribed by your community, culture and family
  • It tries to protect you from repeating past mistakes by making sure you never forget or feel free.

Underminer

  • This critic tries to undermine your self-confidence and self-esteem so that you won’t take risks.
  • It makes direct attacks on your self-worth so that you will stay small and not take chances where you could be hurt or rejected.
  • It is afraid of your being too big or too visible and not being able to tolerate judgment or failure.

Destroyer

  • It makes pervasive attacks on your fundamental self-worth.
  • It shames you and makes you feel inherently flawed and not entitled to basic understanding or respect.
  • This most debilitating critic, comes from early life deprivation or trauma.
  • It is motivated by a belief that it is safer not to exist.

Conformist (we used to call this the Molder)

  • This critic tries to get you to fit into a certain mold based on standards held by society, your culture or your family.
  • It wants you to be liked and admired and to protect you from being abandoned, shamed or rejected.
  • The Conformist fears that the Rebel or the Free Spirit in you would act in ways that are unacceptable. So it keeps you from being in touch with and expressing your true nature.

Taskmaster

  • This critic wants you to work hard and be successful.
  • It fears that you may be mediocre or lazy and will be judged a failure if it does not push you to keep going.
  • Its pushing often activates a procrastinator or a rebel that fights against its harsh dictates.

Inner Controller

  • This critic tries to control your impulses: eating, drinking, sexual activity, etc.
  • It is polarized with an Indulger Part—an addict that it fears can get out of control at any moment.
  • It tends to be harsh and shaming in an effort to protect you from yourself.
  • It is motivated to try to make you a good person who is accepted and functions well in society.

For more information about Inner Critics, click here.

Webinar January 13: Introduction to Interactive Groups

An Interactive Group can help you . . .

  • Develop your capacity for intimacy and learn how to make a love relationship work
  • Become more assertive
  • Become more outgoing and socially comfortable
  • Learn what you may be doing to keep your relationships from being satisfying
  • Understand and trust people of the opposite sex . . . or of the same sex
  • Learn how to deal with anger and conflict constructively
  • Become part of a loving community of people
  • Raise your self-esteem
  • Get in touch with your personal power

You can learn these relationship skills:

  • Being in touch with your feelings and expressing them
  • Reaching out to others confidently
  • Saying No firmly
  • Allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable
  • Expressing yourself forcefully and spontaneously
  • Being comfortable relating to a group of people
  • Asking for what you really want
  • Having the courage to bring up difficult issues
  • Empathizing with others

Webinar: Introduction to Interactive Groups
Jay Earley, PhD
Wednesday, Jan. 13
10-11:30am pacific time (1-2:30pm eastern, 6-7:30pm UK)
Click here to enroll for free

Register even if you can’t attend. You will receive a replay afterward.

Click here for detailed information on Interactive Groups, schedules, and how to join.

Testers Needed for New Quizzes

I have created three new quizzes, and I need people to test them for me.Quiz

Two of the quizzes are on healthy capacities.

Taking the quizzes will help you understand which healthy capacities (in the Pattern System) you might want to work on developing or developing more.

Healthy capacities are things like Assertiveness, Self-Esteem, or Cooperation.

The third quiz is on emotional wounds. It will help you determine which emotional wounds from childhood you have. Examples of wounds are Abandonment, Shame, or Betrayal. 

I need feedback on the wording of the questions and also on whether or not the scores you get seem to reflect what you know about yourself.

If you are interested in helping me test one or more of the quizzes, send me an email at earley.jay@gmail.com and let me know. Please include your phone number or Skype name and your time zone.

Types of Inner Critic

Jay Earley, PhD and Bonnie Weiss, LCSW

In our study of the Inner Critic, we have identified the following 8 types of Inner Critics that people can be troubled by.

Perfectionist

  • This critic tries to get you to do things perfectly.
  • It sets high standards for the things your produce, and has difficulty saying something is complete and letting it go out to represent your best work.
  • It tries to make sure that you fit in and that you will not be judged or rejected.
  • Its expectations probably reflect those of people who have been important to you in the past.

Guilt-Tripper

  • This critic is stuck in the past. It is unable to forgive you for wrongs you have done or people you have hurt.
  • It is concerned about relationships and holds you to standards of behavior prescribed by your community, culture and family.
  • It tries to protect you from repeating past mistakes by making sure you never forget or feel free.

Underminer

  • This critic tries to undermine your self-confidence and self-esteem so that you won’t take risks.
  • It makes direct attacks on your self-worth so that you will stay small and not take chances where you could be hurt or rejected.
  • It is afraid of your being too big or too visible and not being able to tolerate judgment or failure.

Destroyer

  • It makes pervasive attacks on your fundamental self-worth.
  • It shames you and makes you feel inherently flawed and not entitled to basic understanding or respect.
  • This most debilitating critic, comes from early life deprivation or trauma.
  • It is motivated by a belief that it is safer not to exist.

Conformist

  • This critic tries to get you to fit into a certain mold based on standards held by society, your culture or your family.
  • It wants you to be liked and admired and to protect you from being abandoned, shamed or rejected.
  • The Conformist fears that the Rebel or the Free Spirit in you would act in ways that are unacceptable. So it keeps you from being in touch with and expressing your true nature.

Taskmaster

  • This critic wants you to work hard and be successful.
  • It fears that you may be mediocre or lazy and will be judged a failure if it does not push you to keep going.
  • Its pushing often activates a procrastinator or a rebel that fights against its harsh dictates.

Inner Controller

  • This critic tries to control your impulses: eating, drinking, sexual activity, etc.
  • It is polarized with an Indulger –addict who it fears can get out of control at any moment.
  • It tends to be harsh and shaming in an effort to protect you from yourself.
  • It is motivated to try to make you a good person who is accepted and functions well in society.

Doubter

  • This critic doubts your ideas, decisions, and abilities.
  • This makes it hard to move forward with your life.
  • It is afraid that you will make a bad decision or fail at something.

Freedom from Shame and Inadequacy: Transforming Your Inner Critic

A View Through Two Lenses

Jay Earley and Ann Weiser Cornell

Transforming your Inner CriticEven though this webinar, Freedom from Shame and Inadequacy: Transforming Your Inner Critic, isn’t happening until April, I wanted to let you know about it in advance since I have a special guest co-leader, Ann Weiser Cornell, the Focusing teacher and expert.

  • Do you feel bad about yourself?
  • Do you hear a voice calling you worthless and unlovable?
  • Do you struggle with self-hatred?
  • Is there a voice that constantly doubts your abilities?
  • Do you believe that you’ll never get anywhere?

The Inner Critic is the part of you that judges you, pushes you, and undermines your self-confidence. It can make you feel worthless, ashamed, guilty, depressed, or inadequate. It seems to come up especially when you are expanding, doing more, being bigger. In fact there is not one Inner Critic, but a whole flock of them, hovering anxiously and ready to attack or push when you want to take new steps in your life.

You have so much you could contribute to the world if you just didn’t sabotage yourself from inside. Join Jay Earley and Ann Weiser Cornell for an inspiring and practical one-hour webinar that will help you free yourself from undermining inner attacks so you can move into living the life you were born to live.

What’s special about this webinar:

  • You’ll learn surprising truths about the positive intent of Inner Critic parts
  • You’ll understand the dynamics of inner criticism and how to transform it to inner support
  • You’ll learn powerful practices that you can use immediately in your life
  • You learn from two different teachers and methods

Watch Jay and Ann together. For the first time ever, these major figures from IFS (Internal Family Systems Therapy) and IRF (Inner Relationship Focusing) will be presenting together. We will explore the similarities and differences between our powerful methods in a lively, interactive dialogue.

Learn how to develop self-esteem and self-confidence, so you can

  • Accept yourself just as you are.
  • Know that you are lovable.
  • Feel confident in what you can do.
  • Feel proud of your capacities and accomplishments.
  • Feel a deep sense of self-worth.

Other reasons to take the webinar

  • Are you a Healing Professional whose clients who struggle with shame, low self-esteem, or inadequacy?
  • Are you curious about how to work with a “part” or how to use a “felt sense”?
  • Have you been wondering how IFS and IRF are similar and different?

Tuesday, April 21
5:00-6:00 PM Pacific time (8:00-9:00 PM Eastern)
Free

Click and Register for the Self-Therapy Journey Webinar

 

Feel free to register even if you can’t attend at that time. A recording will be available afterward.